6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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