Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
