They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
birth control should be required to get into college
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
