I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
