you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
