Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
