How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
