You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
