Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
