His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
