woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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