Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
