I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
