I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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