Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
