My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
