You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
