What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
