So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
FUCK WHALES
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
