Only a mothe r could love this liver
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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