there's paper in my vomit.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
