4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
