im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
