I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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