first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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