I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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