Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
