Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
