so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
