you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
