I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
