Your dad touched me again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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