I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
