found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
