He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
