The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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