FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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