The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
