Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i drank out of a bidet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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