just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
did i walk over a car last night?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
