Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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