she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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