I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
