Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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