i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
