Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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