when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.