I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.