Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.