Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.