Swine flu. Run for my life!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?