yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
