She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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