U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They are going to name an STD after you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
