so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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