I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
