Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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