i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
