He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
