I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
